you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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