She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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