There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
