The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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