I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Jerry, you need to find god
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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