Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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