Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
