Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were destined to go to rehab together
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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