My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You don't make any sense
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