I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
