ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
