apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
