hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
