everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
