So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
