she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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