I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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