So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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