As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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