Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
