dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
