I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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