Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
