I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she told me i tasted like america
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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