i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
