I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
