We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
