I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
