i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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