you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
