she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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