you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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