I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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