On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
