I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
