I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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