I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
