Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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