Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
