Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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