And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
