I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
