why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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