trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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