God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
