I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
