I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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