The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
