i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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