You're my little dorito
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
