okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
