when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
