Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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