I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
