sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
