guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize