and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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