you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
