I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I want a musical about memes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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