So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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