the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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