He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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