Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
