he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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